IN-LAWS: Fend for yourselves!

The future father-in-law asked, “Young man, can you support a family?”

To which the surprised groom-to-be replied, “Of course not. I was planning to support just your daughter … the rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.”

Christianity, Illustrations,
In-laws, Religion

MARRIAGE: Separation is not the answer!

"The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."

Genesis 2:22-24

John Wesley Powell is a name not well recognized today … he was the one-armed, Civil War hero-explorer of an American national treasure, The Grand Canyon and it's great Colorado River.

Something not well known by many people is a place Powell named “Separation Rapid.” This is where three men separated from the main party and attempted to walk out of the canyon by themselves.

What precipitated this separation? A major dilemma! The Powell party had earlier lost one of its four boats and over half their food to the river. The rapids they now faced were more menacing than anything they had previously encountered.

Normally they “portaged” (i.e., carried) their huge wooden boats around such difficulty, but here it was impossible. Two choices were available to the explorers: 1.) abandon the exploration and walk out, into uncharted and hostile territory; 2.) face their fears and plunge headlong into the rapids, trusting themselves to make it.

Three chose the former, while the seven remaining men chose the latter. To everyone’s surprise the rapids only had the appearance of omnipotence; within minutes they cleared “Separation Rapid,” unscathed and with all their provisions. The three separators were never heard from again.

Many times marriage presents seemingly impenetrable obstacles which in fact have only “the appearance of omnipotence.”

In many cases it is true that the couple cannot “portage” their marriage around the obstacle. However, facing their fears and forging ahead, trusting in the grace of God [Matthew 19:26; 2 Corinthians 12:9], may bring a Grand Canyon-like surprise. Taking the “separation” route in marriage is fraught with danger, many have taken it to their great detriment.

When couples come seeking my counsel I remind them a marriage is similar to a front lawn, right out there in the public’s eye: if it’s nurtured and maintained it will serve them all the days of their lives, even though some must periodically be cut nearly to the roots; if ignored, abused, or trampled on it will die.

Christianity, Illustrations,
Marriage, Religion

WOMAN: Sex of the battlers!

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless."

Ephesians 5:25-27

The English professor wrote on the chalkboard: punctuate this word string: “woman-without-her-man-is-nothing”!

Male students wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

Female students wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

[Adapted from Coolsigs]

Christianity, Gender,
Illustrations, Religion

MARRIAGE: What We Should Have The Courage To Say!

"You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together."

Deuteronomy 22:10

With Christmas as one of the most popular times during the year for weddings, we offer the following marriage ceremony between a Christian and a non-Christian for your convenience.

Dear Friends, we are gathered here today to witness a disaster in the making. For reasons none of us can understand, Martha here has decided she wants to be married to Chester.

Martha – church-goer, hymn-singer, happy, raised right – is throwing it all away in order to marry Chet here, a smug, ungodly rascal who gets with his buddies and makes jokes about Christians. Why Chester and Martha want to lock themselves into marriage is beyond me.

You two will be unequally yoked. In Deuteronomy 22:10 God tells farmers not to do that. An ox and a donkey or a mule and a cow are different animals. They can’t work together. Over in the New Testament, in 2 Corinthians 6:14, God tells brides and grooms not to make the same mistake; for Christians not to marry unbelievers.

Now, the reason He addresses this to you, Martha, is because, as a believer, He sort of assumes that you will obey Him. He knows that Chester here doesn’t pretend to do so. But if you choose not to, you shouldn’t bother to call yourself a Christian.

The Lord Jesus once asked some people, “Why do you call me ‘Lord’ and not do what I say?” He does not address this command to Chester here, because since you are an unbeliever, it wouldn’t do any good anyway. You’re not obeying anything else He says. Why would you obey this?

So, what am I doing here performing your wedding? I’ve asked myself that twenty-eight times in the last two weeks. Probably because Martha’s folks are leaders in our church, and I thought it would anger them if I declined. And some people think, maybe we can reach Chester this way.

Frankly, I’m not too sure disobeying the clear teaching of Scripture is a good way of reaching anybody for the Lord.

Well, let us get on with it. In a few minutes Cherry Dunn will sing the song you have selected for this special day: Torn Between Two Lovers and the theme for Titanic. Then I’ll say some religious words over you as we all pretend that somehow God is blessing what He has forbidden. You will exchange rings and vows and saliva, and leave here seeking the lowest common denominator in your values, your beliefs, and your convictions.

If this marriage works out, it may be the biggest disaster of all, because other Christian-pagan lovebirds will point to you as role models. It’s a frightening thought.

So you will understand if I pray for the success of your marriage, while I pull for it to be awful enough to warn away future travelers down this embattled road.

[Joe N. McKeever, “Disaster in the Making,” SBC LIFE, December 1999, p.6]

So let us pray … and pray … and pray … .

The article above is a parody of a pastor’s comments to a supposedly born-again Christian bride and her unabashed, non-believing fiancée, whom he will shortly join in holy matrimony. Since it says what most of us feel, it is provided in its entirety, just as it appeared in the publication below.

Christianity, Illustrations,
Marriage, Religion, Unequal yoke

FRIENDS: A Thing That Makes Life Worth Living!

JESUS – THE ULTIMATE EXAMPLE: [John 15:12-17; other topics - Friendship, Marriage]

Someone once said, “What are friends for if you can’t use them?”

Friendship, like many other things, is a paradox … “it is both the strongest thing in the world and the most fragile. Wild horses cannot separate (true) friends, but whining words can. A man will lay down his life for his friend [John 15:13], but will not sacrifice his eardrums.” [“Points To Ponder,” Field Newspaper Syndicate (Readers Digest, 1985) p.183.]

Usually it’s the smallest thing which separate friends; it should be big things which break up friendships. Friends are worth fighting for even in difficult times, because true friends are very rare and hard to find.

Jesus, of course, offers the ultimate example of friendship, dying in His friends’ place while they were wholly unworthy of friendship.

LOVE: The Greatest Thing God Has Demonstrated!

HE'S NOT OUR SON! [Matthew 28:20]

"and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

Herbert Toney, 36, and Latisha Washington, 29, were arrested in October in St. Bernard Parish, just outside New Orleans, and face several charges including abandoning their 8-year-old son.

According to police, the couple instructed the son to go into a Winn-Dixie supermarket and steal groceries and beer. When a security guard stopped him, the boy pointed to his parents nearby. But Toney and Washington matter-of-factly denied knowing the boy, and walked away.

Deputies brought the couple in again a while later, but Washington said only that maybe she had seen the boy around the neighborhood a few times. Finally, she admitted he was her child. [The Times-Picayune, 10-4-02]

The Lord will not leave us nor foresake His children!


BIBLICAL LOVE! [John 15:12-17]

I've been in many services where the preacher, the evangelist, or the teacher told us to turn to a person on the left or right and say, "I love you." But you know, I've never been in a service where anyone told us to turn to the person next to us and say, "I'm willing to die for you!" Yet that's exactly what God said to the whole world.

Love is not a theory; it’s a theorem. You see, we are supposed to demonstrate our love for others, not just say that we love someone. God so loved the world that "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." God demonstrated His love for us! So now, I tell my congregation to turn to the person next to them, weeping, and say, "I'm willing to die for you!" That's biblical love!


ENJOY YOUR MEAL! [Psalm 23:5a]

Our family has been enjoying a nesting pair of doves. They’ve set up house in a Creeping Charlie, which hangs on our front porch. Mom seems to be there 24/7. Dad? Well, he comes around from time to time ... bringing lunch, perhaps.

Last year they laid a brace of eggs but having a new roof installed scared them away before they hatched. This year ... in fact just a few days ago, two chicks were born and they were born hungry. Now even dad spends time in the nest. I won’t tell you what he does.

Our dog sleeps right under their nest and they aren’t in the least fazed. We also have three cats, who take turns sitting at the screen door several times each day. The cats don’t know about the birds yet ... conversely the birds don’t seem to know about the cats.

I’ve discovered a couple of things from observing these birds. First, mothers, human or otherwise, put up with a great deal. Second, each hatchling has its meals in the presence of its enemies. Yet, unlike you or me, they have no concept of their enemies.

And so shall I be free of fear, for God promises "to prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." Now David has made no distinction whether these were temporal or eternal enemies. However, since I know the Lord is immutable [unchanging], I hold it makes no difference ... He would never have me feast fearlessly in one dimension and not in the other, so great is His love for me.

On the other hand, if you’re like me, your enemies often give you indigestion. So what’s up? Not faith, that’s for sure! I wouldn’t need spiritual Zantac ® if I really lived by faith. Jesus often said to the disciples, "Oh ye of little faith."

He also said, "And do not fear those who kill the body, but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." [Matthew 10:28] And, "be not anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself." [Matthew 6:34a]

It certainly isn’t the Lord’s fault that our temporal lives are so full of hobgoblins who give us spiritual reflux.


EVERYONE HAS A BOB! [Matthew 25:31-46]

The following is by Charles Lowery: "What about Bob?"; SBC LIFE, April 2002; Copyright © 2001 Southern Baptist Convention Executive Committee.

There are always a few in every church. When we see them we think of that little Family of God chorus and sing "I'm surprised you're a part of the family of God." God made them fearfully and wonderfully weird. They have the amazing ability to drain the joy right out of the ministry. ... . The porch light is on but no one is home. ... .

When I see them I want to ask, "Where are Moe, Larry, and Curly?" ... . They act so inappropriately at times. They are usually standing when they are supposed to be sitting or talking when they are supposed to be quiet. They aren't cool, quick, or articulate like us. ... .

When everyone else has gone home, they want to talk to you. They usually want to hug you. And there is always one who zeros in on you; you are his hero, his idol, and the person he wants to spend as much time with as he can. They are there after every service, waiting to tell you things you already know. ... . You devise ways of avoiding them. ...

Let's be honest, sometimes you're just rude. You blow them off because your time is too valuable. ... . You say something that cuts them off or you embarrass them with your quick wit and it hurts and it works. Now you're free to do what important people like you do.

A friend of mine told me about someone that drove him crazy. His name was Bob. My friend was grumbling about Bob under his breath, and God was listening.

That night everything changed because God spoke to him as clearly as He had ever spoken before. God said, "You know that fellow, Bob, who is a little slow and never quite gets things right? The one you avoid at all costs? Well, I want you to remember something - compared to Me, you are not the sharpest knife in the drawer, either, and you don't get things quite right most of the time. So, the next time Bob starts to bug you, remember you're My Bob."

My own Bob was a lady who rode the van to our church. ... . When I had important things to do, I would try to sneak by without her seeing me. She always saw me and would yell, "Pastor, good morning!"

After church we greeted guests in the Hospitality Room and she always came in to give me a hug ... . I hugged her ... and I enjoyed it. Because I knew she was my Bob, I knew that in her simplistic mind, I represented God. God in His still, small voice said, "Well done, Charles. You loved someone who needed My love desperately. When you are desperate for love, I'll be there for you like you were for her." And when I was desperate, He was there.

I have now resigned from that church and when I look back on my time there, she is one of the people I miss. Why? Because I know she really needed me. I pray that God will send her another Charles and ... me another Bob, and give me enough sense to recognize him when he shows up.

THAT DREADFUL THING! [Matthew 25:40-46]

Bias is as simple to understand as the difference between a ladybug and a cockroach. Take a ladybug to your wife, girlfriend or mother and let it crawl on her arm. You’ll discover they have no objection ... that is, if don’t sneak up on them. They’ll say. "Oh, how cute. Aren’t they the prettiest things?" Some of them will add, "Don’t hurt it. They’re good bugs."

Now try doing the same thing with a water beetle (a very important bug except it looks like a cockroach). See what I mean? They’ll shout and scream, "Oh, don’t bring that dreadful thing near me. They’re so disgusting." Some of them will add, "Kill it! Kill it!" But they’re both bugs. What’s the difference?

Bias is rooted in our experiences; prejudice is rooted in our fears, which are also rooted in our experiences. Many of these experiences are actually lessons taught to us by others while we were young ... usually without our conscious knowledge.

Little girls are taught that bugs are "icky," while little boys are taught that bugs are good things to use to scare little girls. Yet, all kids are taught that ladybugs are "good bugs"; so too are "Daddy-long-legs" and "swamp flies."

Prejudice and bias interfere with the proper working of human life in general but in the heart of a believer they interfere with the proclamation of the Good News. At this moment there is a man sitting on the bench under the huge oak tree in our church parking lot. His name is Frank, he limps over here from a rest home down the street. He comes every day to sit in the shade and a drink his daily quart of bottled beer.

Frank is scruffy bearded and always appears in need of a bath. His fingernails are long and unclean. But Frank is the nicest guy. He’s as friendly as a Golden Retriever and just as uneducated. In a few minutes my associate, Dan, is going out to talk to him, and remind him of how much God loves him ... and why.

On the other hand, some people in our church have seen Frank under the tree, and asked with a tone of condemnation, "What’s he doing there?" The "he" is elevated, and clearly communicates that people like him are not welcome around God’s house. Others have asked, "Who’s that?" With the accent on "that" and the "who" drawn out like a barn owl’s cry.

My heart breaks for Frank ... in need of friends and love and space ... but it double breaks for those in my church who are biased against the different. Whose experiences have taught them to ignore the clear teachings of their Lord and Savior, "To the extent you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me. ... to the extent you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me." Whose prejudices have caused them to reject the Teacher Himself because they’ve rejected His teachings. "And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."


THE BEAUTY WITHIN: [Proverbs 5:18]

The sculptor and the diamond cutter have one thing in common, they’re both trying to craft a work of art out of a rough, natural stone. These artists study the jagged object before them to such a degree they can actually visualize the finished product in their minds.

Another mental phenomena which fascinates me is how lovers are able to grow old together. The process is similar to that of the artisans above, only the image visualized is an image past, while the image seen is the image present.

When we fall in love, we are enamored with our sweetheart; she is beautiful to us and, though we all have imperfections, she seems perfect.

The aging process is heartless to the images of young love; but where true love exists, it allows us to see in our aging mate the original beauty which attracted us to them. How wonderful it is to look into our wife’s eyes and see the beauty hidden behind her now maturing flesh, the continuing elegance of her now failing frame, and persistent loveliness and appeal of her now mellowing voice.

Oh, how marvelous is this thing called true love; what a gift God has given to the man who is man enough to see with the eyes of his heart ... letting his fountain be blessed, rejoicing in the wife of his youth.

Atonement

Accounts Payable [Romans 5:6, 8 (4:3); other topics - Debt; Judgment]

Floyd has come and gone! And the total destruction has yet to be realized ... the cost has yet to be tallied!

Every night the evening news presents another vignette of another farmer or business woman or senior couple who’ve lost everything. They each have the same lament, “I’ve lost everything, I don’t know how I’ll ever pay the debt.” These people are like the rest of us, we’re all up to our ears in debt. The combined effort of the government, their families, their friends, and their churches will fall short of what is needed.

Such is the condition of all mankind. So many stand on the threshold of God’s judgment it’s hard to comprehend. Coming are the waters of wasted lives, tornadoes of eternal torment, and the horrors of hell’s fire!

Our sins are like lava spewing from the mouth of an evil mountain, flowing slowly down hill, swallowing anything and everything in its path. But still the unbeliever, the doubter, and the mocker don’t see it coming! When they do, it’ll be too late; and when the bill is tallied ... it will be more than they can afford.

And yet while we were still in our sins, Christ died for us. And for those who will but believe, like Abram, God will reckon it as righteousness to our account.


Temporal Bouquet from an Eternal Florist! [Leviticus 26:39; other topics – Sanctification, Sin nature]

I ‘m told most people in 16th Century England got married in June because they took their annual bath in May. It seems they still smelled pretty good in June. Still, many were starting to ripen, so brides began carrying a bouquet of flowers to hide the aromas. [Adapted from Life in the 1500's, author unknown]

Christ is God’s supernatural bouquet for believers; He covers our sins and hides our natural odor.

MARRIAGE - Two rivers come together as one!

BILLBOARD WEDLOCK [Mark 10:2-9]

A Pennsylvania bride-to-be coveted an elaborate, therefore expensive wedding. But her want exceeded her supply. So she and her fiancée decided to get some help paying for the fancy affair. The couple decided to sell advertising. They offered various space on their invitations and as well as displays at the ceremony itself ... instead of saying, “I do,” the bride said, “Did somebody say McDonalds?”

Divorce is a major problem for the church; the divorce rate among Christians (in Western, developed nations) is tracking that of the non-Christian world. With this we know for certain the institution of marriage is in big trouble. Marriage is not respected as it once was; it has become a fashionable but temporary convenience for many.

A parallel problem is the intrusion of the world into the church. One would expect the world to conceive of advertising at a marriage ceremony but who would anticipate a man of God performing such a service while invoking the name of God?

[The Sacramento Bee, 18 August 1999]


TAKE A SEAT! [Genesis 2:24; other topics - love; relationships, renewal] (added 28 January 2006)

Rebecca was looking through the family photo album with her grandmother, she was fascinated with the sepia-style pictures and old-fashioned clothing. As she leafed through the pages, her grandmother identified various family members and friends.

Rebecca noticed there were no photographs of her grandparents standing together, they were always seated. When she asked why this was, her grandmother explained, "I was six inches taller than your grandfather and he was sensitive about it.

"Grandma," Rebecca asked, "how could you have fallen in love with a man six inches shorter than you?" "Honey," she said, "we fell in love sitting down, and when I stood up, it was too late."

Rebecca's grandmother instinctively pointed out a fact relative to romance and marriage: we really do fall in love sitting down. In other words, early in a relationship, it is easy to overlook our partner's shortcomings.

If, in your current relationship, you and your partner are figuratively standing up, you probably don't recall the things you regarded as important when you first fell in love, things you now take for granted. This is probably true of the relationship as well. So, why not just sit down? You never meant to drift apart, it just happened.

Day boaters on the Niagara River, above the famous honeymoon falls, are warned -- there is a point of no return. There is a point on the river, beyond which, you will be swept over the falls. You won’t be able to recover your course. In marriage, the same is true. What are you waiting for, the point of no return?

If you and your partner are standing and the things which divide you are more apparent than the things which bring you together, sit down and reflect on what brought you together.

[Adapted from “The Duet” by David Sisler in Agape Press, February 7, 2002]

Restoration

No Greener Grass [Amos 9:11-15]

In marriage counseling it's imperative to show both parties that there is no grass on the other side of the hill any greener than the grass in their own front lawn.

The real problem is to remind them that marriage, like grass, must be watered in order to stay green; likewise that it must be mowed and trimmed regularly. In a similar way, weeds get in and must be pulled-out or eradicated. And couples must understand some grasses go dormant once in awhile.

Maintaining a marriage is much like yard care; when all is said and done, hard work pays off.