Friday, January 25, 2008

WITNESS: Our clandestine public relations campaign!

I stopped into one of our landmark “greasy spoons” the other day. Many senior church members have sworn by the personnel and the menu. I decided to give it a chance.

Nothing on the menu caught my eye, so I ordered that old standard chili, topped with onions and grated cheese. I canceled the cheese after learning it cost an extra 50 cents (that’s over $30/lb. if you’re interested).

However, the waitress forgot to tell the cook “no cheese,” so it arrived with onions and cheese. When told, the cook (visibly irritated by this infraction of the rules) grabbed the bowl and angrily scrapped the cheese off.

Unfortunately for me, he also scrapped off a ½ inch of my chili and the nice pile of finely chopped fresh onion. When I eventually got my bowl of cold, canned, microwave chili it was sprinkled with large and “potent” chunks of onion.

Now, as I tried to smother the quickly coagulating lump with a ½ pound or so of stale soda crackers, I was distracted by loud coughing. It only took a second to realize it was the cook. With uncovered and open mouth, he wandered about the kitchen hacking his nicotine clogged lungs onto everything not covered or in a cabinet.

Trying to be fair I thought to myself, “It’s okay, after all I’ve probably consumed worse raising six kids.” But then the cook applied the coup de grâce by inserting his index finger to his second knuckle in the nostril of his choice.

I don’t think I’ll tell anyone at the church I ate at the Village Inn, I’m afraid they’ll ask me how I liked it.

Many believers are allowing their churches to become the “greasy spoons” of the spiritual community.

Only the Mormons seem to avoiding this public relations disaster. Worse, many members of these churches, as well as members of some of our finer churches seem to be unaware that they are being watched.

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